Two of my favorite bloggers, Time-Warp Wife & Women Living Well have just released their newest Marriage Series, entitled: Ignite the fire. It’s a 3 week series, with a different sub-topic each Monday. This week the hot topic is passion, and it truly is a hot topic!
We’re all familiar with that “butterflies in the tummy” feeling of young love, yes? The feeling you get when he walks into the room, grabs your hand, or even when you just get a text 😉 from your new beau? Why doesn’t he do that anymore? we ponder. Why did he stop wooing me? How did holding hands turn into walking single file down a grocery aisle? When did passing love notes back and forth turn into a plastering a “honey-do list”a mile long on the fridge with an old raggedy magnet? How did romantic evenings with a glass of wine and candlelight turn into Chinese take-out in front of the TV?
I remember reading something awhile ago, and while I can’t find the exact text, it went something like this:
A woman was reflecting back on her relationship with her husband, and she noticed that over the years, little things they used to do together became less and less frequent. One of the biggest changes she noticed from when they had started dating was in their car rides together. The woman reminisced on how her husband used to drive with one hand on the steering wheel and the other around her shoulder. A sign of pride that she was his girl, and he was hers. They’d ride all through town, side by side, singing along to the radio. One day, while taking a trip to the grocery store, she decided to confront her husband about this. “Dear, I’ve noticed that over the years, you stopped putting your arm around my shoulder as we are traveling in the car, and honestly we’re sitting too far apart now for it to be possible! What happened?” Her husband simply replied, “My darling, the steering wheel didn’t move, you did.”
The point of this story is that sometimes, while we think it’s our spouse who is pulling away, it’s really us. In all honesty, it takes two to tango, but things have to start somewhere. The biggest lesson here is that you can’t fix your spouse, you can only work on YOUR side of the equation.
Passion seems to fade in even the strongest relationships over the years, unless that fire is constantly kindled. We have to actively seek out our husbands, we have to pursue them like we did early in the relationship, show them that we are attracted to them both physically and emotionally. Sometimes we get so into our routines, that we forget to do the little things that mean so much. A simple back rub after a long day of work, or making a favorite treat for after dinner can mean so much.
Living with someone is a lot different than dating them, and seeing all of their little habits morning noon and night will bring some things to light that didn’t “exist” in the dating world. Snoring, passing gas, morning breath, leaving the toilet seat up, and other unattractive sides of your significant other will suddenly overshadow the way he smelled when he picked you up for dinner on your second date, or the perfectly groomed hair he seemed to always be sporting.
This video has been circling around the internet in the past few weeks, and has become somewhat “viral” in that so many people have watched & shared it. Rightfully so, what a true testament of love… 75 years together and this couple was still madly in love. So many moments shared and memories savored through the years. I pray that God gives my husband and I at least that long together.
While the chase for our spouse might be over, we should never stop chasing after his heart. We need to find those things that brought us close early in the relationship and make time to share those moments together to rekindle that flame often. Even with kids, jobs, school, and life keeping us busy, we cannot forget to make time for our partner. Spending a life together means working through the good and bad, the sickness and the health, whether rich or poor, and making a real effort to stay in love. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. A choice that needs to be renewed every day.
Week 1 Challenge:
Ignite passion in your marriage by investing into your husband joyfully. This may look different in every marriage, the challenge is to focus on an area of your marriage that is a little weak and pour time, energy and love into it.