Blogging is more. What do I mean by that? To some blogging may be a career, a way to rake in money, a complex algorithm to figure out how to earn the most $ from every post, but to others it’s so very much more.
Like I’ve said in prior posts, my goal is to be 100% transparent from day 1 with my readers. So, in the spirit of transparency, I need to tell you that my original goal with this specific website was to make money. I saw others doing it, I saw the lavish lives they lived and the happy smiles on their faces. Sure, I knew it wasn’t all cupcakes and rainbows, but man that extra money would sure be nice to help pay off some bills and get that school bus I wanted faster… But, just a few weeks into this and I’m feeling different about things. A lot of things. It’s funny how so much can happen in such a short amount of time, and so little can happen during other seasons.
I started jogging 6 days ago, and I realized how great it felt. Sure, I started jogging to lose a bit of weight, flatten my stomach and tone my arms, but… even during the first jog, I felt something different… I felt like I was pushing away the negativity. Running from it, but not in a bad way. Everything that people tell me that I cannot do, I should not do, I will not do? I was running from it. I was running towards a goal, my goal. And, it hurt – it still hurts, and from what I’ve read from experienced joggers, it never stops hurting. But… It’s a good hurt. I feel like I’m in control of when I start and when I stop, and even when my body says no, my determination says Go! I want to give up, but I won’t. And, maybe it’s the control freak in me, but I love that feeling. Being able to control my body – when it wants to give up and shut down, when my lungs are tight and grasping for air, but I push my body some more? That feels pretty dang amazing.
So, what’s my point with that illustration? I feel like so much is changing, but sometimes the one thing that we want – that we need – to change most, isn’t. And, yes I’m praying over it. I pray over my situations daily, but God hasn’t responded yet. And I know that He’s quiet during certain trials and tests, and I understand that. It’s just difficult. Jogging helps me. When I jog, I’m thinking about jogging. My body wants to stop, and I tell myself “just a little further” “just make it to that tree” and when I get to that tree “keep going to that next landmark”, and so on. My mind is focused on the jog, and I’m free from my thoughts for a little bit of time.